I have regretted not sending a miscarriage sympathy card several times. It can can seem overwhelming to know what to say. I think many people do not quite know what to do and many people do not even realize that people send sympathy cards for miscarriages. I really wish I had known about some of the wonderful resources I’ve learned about recently.
So, I can relate to having a difficult time knowing what to say in a miscarriage sympathy card. Here is some of the most helpful information I’ve come across for writing messages of sympathy for miscarriage. The best way understand what is comforting to women who have suffered a miscarriage is to hear about their experiences and to ask what others did and said that was helpful and what was not.
Did you know that many bereavement forums have a section for venting about rude and insensitive things people have said?
Many grieving individuals are actually seeking support for secondary pain they’ve suffered as a result of the way people have treated them during their loss!
It seems to me that miscarriage of all losses is met with even more hurtful comments than usual.
Miscarriage Sympathy Card Messages to Avoid
Whatever you decide to write please steer of clear of these statements.
- “It was meant to be.”
- “It was for the best.”
- “Your baby is in a better place now.”
- “Time heals all wounds.”
- “I know exactly how you feel.” (even if you have experienced a similar loss)
- “At least you have other children.” or “you can always have another baby.”
Unfortunately, these kinds of statements are said all the time.
A good rule of thumb to avoid saying something hurtful is to make sure what you are about to say is not advice in any way, don’t even try to offer a solution. Trying to make the situation “all better” just does not work. There is absolutely nothing that you can do or say to undo the situation or to make the loss hurt any less.
A really common thing that people do is to try to relate to someone’s loss by telling their own story. This can be really annoying. There is a right way to comfort somebody who is suffering a loss that is similar to one you have experienced, but I don’t think that it is ever a good idea to say, “I know exactly how you feel.”
First of all it’s not the best time to launch into a story about you. Secondly, each person’s loss and grief experience to unique to them.
This happens often because miscarriage is so common. I recently saw a statistic that said that 1 in 5 pregnancy ends in miscarriage. That’s a lot! It is a loss that many women have experienced.
Different women (and their partners) have all had different experiences depending on their unique set of circumstances. For all couples it is a profound loss that is hard to explain and can bring all kinds of difficult emotions to the surface. It is definitely a time when one could use a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear or a thoughtful card.
If you have experienced a miscarriage loss that you feel can help you relate and provide support to a grieving friend, here is the right way to share it.
Share something that helped you get through that difficult time. Even going so far as to get them that very thing that helped you. If it was a certain song that comforted you, you could burn them a copy of it. If it was a poem that you found, you could copy it down for them. If you got a piece of memorial jewelry to remember your baby by, you could get them a gift certificate for the same store.
Simply mention that you’ve also had a miscarriage and that you are available to talk or answer any questions she may have. Leave it at that and wait to share your experience until asked.
The important thing is to not share your own awful experience. I think many people try to console others this way, by sharing a worse a experience in hopes that the person will figure their situation is not so bad.
It’s not really a good way to comfort a grieving friend. They might politely endure your story, but probably won’t want to confide in you any further.
Writing a message in a miscarriage sympathy card actually fairly simple.
You do not have to write a message that specifically addresses the miscarriage. Some common sympathy card messages that you can use are:
• Our deepest sympathies during your time of loss. Please know that we are here for you. With love and prayers,
• Although no words can really help to ease the loss you bear, just know that you are very close in every thought and prayer.
• Words seem inadequate to express the sadness we feel. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
• Thinking of you, wishing you hope in the midst of sorrow, comfort in the midst of pain.
With miscarriage loss one of the most helpful things is to simply have those around you offer their sympathy and to not have people act awkward or avoid you.
Miscarriage is often a loss that is not acknowledged by others so it can be helpful to know that the hurt that you feel is not without reason. When others recognize your loss it help to validate your feelings.
Hopefully you are encouraged to send a miscarriage sympathy card, it’s really not as difficult as it may have seemed at first. If you are interested in sending a gift as well you should check out La Belle Dame.
La Belle Dame is a wonderful online business specializing in gifts for miscarriage and infant loss. They are also the only place I’ve seen where you can buy a miscarriage sympathy card.